Word is, they're looking for the other 25 monkeys and their typewriters

So it seems these fifteen monkeys escaped from a wildlife conservation facility in Lakeland, Florida. How they got the ski masks and commandeered a trolley car is anyone's guess.

Seriously, they got off their island by swimming across a pond. We can imagine how the conversation went at the orientation session:

"All right, you monkeys. You live on this here island. Right?"

"Ooh. Ooh!"

"Right. Now listen. The only thing keeping you here is this small stream that separtates you and the mainland. You're not going to swim across it, are you?"

"Aah. Ah!" (A few moments of bug picking).

"Good. Nighty-night." (Zookeeper exits)

Monkey 1: What a schmuck.

Monkey 2: We grew up in the jungle with trees and rocks and predators. He grew up in the 'burbs where the most dangerous thing was really hot latte.

Monkey: We break out tonight.

And you know the rest.

Modern Civility Dodges a Bullet

The Kansas City T-Bones, who intended to host a Michael Vick "Welcome to the Neighborhood" night May 28 which was to feature prison uniforms, spotlights and escape sirens, have thought better of it. Vick is serving his twenty-three-month sentence at Leavenworth. Enough people complained, that the ball club decided to scrap that and focus on events to encourage animal safety.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/football/nfl/04/19/vick.night.ap/

And society breathes a sigh of relief.

For definitive evidence that modern culture is going straight down the crapper...

...you need look no further than this:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/132240

For all those who think Grandma smells funny...

...That's nothing compared to this:

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/nation/20080410-0313-closetbody.html

The play is the thing

I'm in the middle of rehearsal for "12 Angry Men" which I will be performing in May. The show is about a jury deliberating the fate of a 19-year-old accused of stabbing his father with a switch knife. So far, in rehearsal, only 4 actors have been killed with the props. So things are going pretty well.

Happy Birthday, Cell Phones

Today is reportedly the 35th anniversary of the first cell phone call.

Coincidentally, it is also the 35th anniversary of the death knell for normal adult, face-to-face interaction.

Hillary Update

Hillary Clinton told a crowd of Pennsylvania union workesr that, if elected, she will create three million new jobs. When asked how, she said, "Well, for example, my living room needs painting. There's one. And I need someone to walk my dog. That's two. Of course, I gess the painter could do that while the paint dries between the first and second coats, so it's really only a net gain of one job. Gosh. This is harder than I thought."

In other news, Barack Obama sucks at bowling. And the cable news channels felt compelled to dwell on it.

Will this election EVER be over?